Letting Go
January 2024
A good question for the new year is to ask yourself. “What am I holding onto, and why?” This question was buried in my basement and begged for uncovering as I began to sort through boxes piled high from ceiling to floor. Forty-two contained the original curriculum from my parent child business, I ran for 18 years, but closed 6 years ago. Others held mementos of my past.
The process awoke the question of why we hold onto things that have served their purpose? As I gathered books and puzzles to be recycled for a new generation of tots, I was also pressed to throw away so many things that required hours upon hours of effort to create. I needed to keep reminding myself that my efforts were appreciated, affording me 18 years of profitable use. Most importantly that they served their purpose well and were now ready to be appreciated again by others.
The question arises what do we hold onto for the sake of sentimentality? Old photos of loved ones who have passed? Books already read that remain unopened on a shelf. Objects bought on a memorable vacation? Or items that cost too much to toss that have lost their allure or clothes that no longer fit?
As we have just completed another gift giving holiday season, it might be a good time to make room for the new. Re-examine what things hold for you as you carry them forward. Are they necessary? Think of how some of your unused things may be repurposed and provide for another who does have a need for it.
Letting go of the old makes space for the new. This does not mean replace the old with new clutter. I am suggesting to clear space for the air to flow, allow yourself to breath into the emptiness. The openness of space, freedom from clenching to the past, provides a clearing for the new to move into your future.
This is a good skill to teach your children. If you have toys tucked away that your child has outgrown, pack them up with your child and donate them to a re-sale shop where another child may benefit and enjoy them. Making your child part of this giving process will introduce that things maintain their value even when they no longer hold it for us. It provides an opportunity to teach generosity, kindness, and the connection to others.
Change
December 2023
I’ve been thinking about change and how it is difficult enough for adults to navigate, never mind children. It might even be the theme of my next book! Change is the one certainty you can count on. We age, our bodies change, and relationships grow and fade. We Move or begin a new school which can be stressful and exciting. Recognize change is difficult by helping your child navigate conflicting feelings regarding change. Your support and the acknowledgment of her mixed feelings is essential for her to accept and move through change successfully.
Below are a couple of fun activities you can use to bring up the topic of change.
Kaleidoscopes
What You Will Need:
A kaleidoscope kit or
Directions on You Tube of how to make your own.
Kaleidoscopes are a wonderful visual of how the tiniest movement can elicit a change in their beautiful patterns. I use them in a poetry workshop asking the kids to reflect on “Who am I” considering their many attributes, both ones they see as positive and others they may need to work on, reminding them they are always changing.
Kaleidoscope kits, complete with beads, can be purchased on Amazon for $3.00 each. They are often sold in sets so they would make a great birthday party give away or group craft activity.
You can introduce the topic of change by asking your child, “Can you think of some things that have changed about you?” If she doesn’t answer you can tell her how her body has changed, how she has grown in so many ways from when she was small. Maybe some of her friends have changed or moved away. Remind her how she used to not be able to do some things, but now she can, like read, dress herself, or swim. A simple example is that her hair and nails change all the time, needing to be cut. Once you give her a couple of examples see what she comes up with. This might give you insight into how she experiences change.
Observing Change of ice.
What You will Need:
Ice Cubes or a small block of ice
A Saucepan.
You can begin by saying, sometimes we may feel stuck or frozen in a situation that is frustrating sad or making us unhappy. You may feel like it will never change or get better. But nothing stays the same. You can use the quote from Maya Angelou that says, “Every storm cloud eventually runs out of rain.” This is a great quote for adults to remember as well.
Place the ice into the pot and turn on the heat slowly allowing her to watch the ice melt and change into water. This seems so simple but in the context of observing change it will make its point. Then you can elaborate, that somethings need our effort to change, like breaking a bad habit or creating a new one. Practicing a skill we want to learn, or approaching the new kid in school in conversation. Show her that through her efforts she can create a lot of the changes she wants. Then you can turn up the heat, to show her that the heat represents effort and it helps the ice melt more quickly.
Observing Nature Change: Nature offers us guaranteed change through its rotating seasons. Even climates that don’t have a wide range of temperature change. Many years ago, when I lived in Miami where it was most often sunny, my three-year-old said to me one morning, “Look Mommy it’s a cloudy day!” in pure delight.
Get outdoors and go for a walk around your neighborhood, a park or the woods if available. Even in the city there are seasonal changes to be witnessed. You can make this a scavenger hunt to see what you can find representing the current season. Take pictures of what you find so you can print them out to be glued into a book of seasons. There are endless possibilities of what you may discover.
Your child can also write in what other things might change specifically for her during the seasons. This will make the book her very own. Such as school starts, we pick apples and pumpkins, need mittens and warmer clothes, It gets dark early, or sports she is involved in start and end, to name just a few.
If anything, this exercise requires both of you to pay attention and notice things you may otherwise might have missed. If you don’t want to put the project away and wait for the next season to arrive, you can search online for pictures of what she thinks represents the seasons to her such as robin eggs in a nest for spring and beach toys for summer etc. This will also offer you some insight into what is important to her.
Blank paper
Printer for pictures
Glue
Playdough or Clay: One wonderful thing about clay or playdough is that you can mold and shape it and then change it into something else. It is a wonderful sensory experience that allows one to be creative without risk. If you don’t like what you made you can most certainly shape it into something else.
I like to make home made playdough. The recipe I use (below) is cooked. So, once it cools from the stove it feels warm and relaxing to use. The playdough will last at least a month or two in an airtight plastic bag. (Recipe belo
What You Will Need:
Playdough recipe:
1 cup flour
1 cup water
½ cup salt
1 TBS of oil
Food coloring (preferably the gel kind since this will yield a more vibrant color.)
2 tsp cream of tarter
Optional- if you have any essential oil or food extract you can add a few drops in to match the color. Mint for green, lemon for yellow or orange for orange.
Mix the food coloring into the water before mixing it into the other ingredients. This will allow the color to be uniform throughout. Place all the ingredients into a pot, stirring until it begins to take form. Do not overcook since this will result in dry, crumbly dough. Under cooking results in sticky dough. It might take you a couple of tries to get it exactly the way you want.
Place on a placemat or waxed paper to use, so the color will not transfer to your table.
All these activities have the intention of bringing you and your child together in a fun and playful way!
Enjoy! Have Fun!
Listening Begins in Utero
Listening and Language Begins in the Womb
The most significant sound your baby hears in the womb is their mother’s voice. Before your child was even born, she was listening to your words through the sound of your voice. Research has shown that fetuses in the third trimester know their own mother’s voice because an increase in heart rate and non-nutritive sucking has been documented. It has also been observed that parents adjust their speech patterns when talking to their infants by exaggerating sounds and pitch. Parents also adjust their facial expressions, when talking to their infant, by opening their mouth wider and raising their eyebrows.
Altering one’s regular speech pattern to gain the infant’s attention is called infant-directed speech, “motherese”, “parentese” or more commonly “baby talk.” Studies have shown that baby talk is preferred by infants and therefore is more effective in getting their attention. It had been determined that baby talk is an important part of the emotional bonding process between parents and their children that helps infants learn language. Researchers are also raising the question of whether baby talk promotes brain development, influencing emotional expression and behavior later in life.
It is through your words and the way in which you speak them, that you will begin the lifelong dance of interaction and relationship with your child. Most child developmentalists agree, that the amount and type of language an infant hears has an impact on her development. Language stimulation is one of the best predictors of later vocabulary, reading and mathematical skills.
Some ways to enrich your young child’s development through language is through songs, nursery rhymes, and reading aloud. As they begin to converse, it is important to engage children in open-ended conversations. All these activities will help build attachment between you and your child.
As a new parent, choosing your words with your child is easy because she can’t talk back, question or disagree. You have all the power and control in the conversation. Enjoy it while it lasts. Because once your child becomes a preschooler, she will start asking “Why” questions. Chances are you may have to answer 20 of them before you have even finished your first morning coffee.
As your child grows, your words will be the tools you will rely on to build the type of relationship you want to create with your child. You will use them to praise, re-direct behavior, educate, and love.
Psychologist Edward Thorndike, famous for his work on operant conditioning, wrote, “Colors fade, temples crumble, empires fall but wise words endure.”
What wise words do you want to endure for your children?
September 2023
What Is Deep Listening?
There are many forms of listening. Deep listening is the process of listening to learn what the other person is trying to express. It requires paying close attention to not only what the person is saying but also to nonverbal clues such as body language and tone. Deep listening is listening without judgment. It involves mirroring back what the person has said as an affirmation that you understand what they are trying to communicate. It is listening without trying to resolve or fix what the other person is communicating. This type of listening and affirming what the other is saying builds trust and shows the other we value what they have to say and respect them as a human being.
There are many forms of listening. Deep listening is the process of listening to learn what the other person is trying to express. It requires paying close attention to not only what the person is saying but also to nonverbal clues such as body language and tone. Deep listening is listening without judgment. It involves mirroring back what the person has said as an affirmation that you understand what they are trying to communicate. It is listening without trying to resolve or fix what the other person is communicating. This type of listening and affirming what the other is saying builds trust and shows the other we value what they have to say and respect them as a human being.
Developing a pattern of deep listening with your child requires you to be fully present. It demonstrates to your child they are worthy of your time and attention. This type of listening is a skill requiring practice. If you begin a pattern of deep listening in the early years, your child will trust your relationship to come to you with all their issues and struggles. As a parent, the last thing you ever want to say is “I had no idea they felt this way.”
I recognize most of us are living busy schedules that can be exhausting. As parents, we often listen to our children while we are doing something else. When our children come to us with something that is upsetting or they are struggling with, our instinct is to either minimize it or try to fix what they are upset about. Deep listening does neither.
If you are busy and your child approaches you in conversation, it is perfectly fine to say, “I am busy right now preparing dinner, but what you have to say is important to me. I promise I will sit with you after I am done and give you my full attention.”
If your child challenges you and says, “No it can’t wait,” then consider delaying dinner the few extra minutes it might take to truly listen to what your child needs to say. More than likely it could have waited, but by stopping something under your control, you show respect for them and their feelings. If your boss approached you and said stop what you are doing and come with me, you wouldn’t hesitate. By delaying dinner for a few minutes, you are building trust and connection that will last a lifetime.
It is my hope through writing a poem about what it feels like to be truly heard, each of you will uncover emotions you may not have known you felt. The additional activities in my book involving language and nonverbal communication will train your child’s listening skills and intuition to help keep themselves safe out in the world.
“Being heard is so close to being loved
that for the average person
they are almost indistinguishable.”
David Augsburger
Blog 2
Listening and Language Begins in the Womb
The most significant sound your baby hears in the womb is their mother’s voice. Before your child was even born, she was listening to your words through the sound of your voice. Research has shown that fetuses in the third trimester know their own mother’s voice because an increase in heart rate and non-nutritive sucking has been documented. It has also been observed that parents adjust their speech patterns when talking to their infants by exaggerating sounds and pitch. Parents also adjust their facial expressions, when talking to their infant, by opening their mouth wider and raising their eyebrows.
Altering one’s regular speech pattern to gain the infant’s attention is called infant-directed speech, “motherese”, “parentese” or more commonly “baby talk.” Studies have shown that baby talk is preferred by infants and therefore is more effective in getting their attention. It had been determined that baby talk is an important part of the emotional bonding process between parents and their children that helps infants learn language. Researchers are also raising the question of whether baby talk promotes brain development, influencing emotional expression and behavior later in life.
It is through your words and the way in which you speak them, that you will begin the lifelong dance of interaction and relationship with your child. Most child developmentalists agree, that the amount and type of language an infant hears has an impact on her development. Language stimulation is one of the best predictors of later vocabulary, reading and mathematical skills.
Some ways to enrich your young child’s development through language is through songs, nursery rhymes, and reading aloud. As they begin to converse, it is important to engage children in open-ended conversations. All these activities will help build attachment between you and your child.
As a new parent, choosing your words with your child is easy because she can’t talk back, question or disagree. You have all the power and control in the conversation. Enjoy it while it lasts. Because once your child becomes a preschooler, she will start asking “Why” questions. Chances are you may have to answer 20 of them before you have even finished your first morning coffee.
As your child grows, your words will be the tools you will rely on to build the type of relationship you want to create with your child. You will use them to praise, re-direct behavior, educate, and love.
Psychologist Edward Thorndike, famous for his work on operant conditioning, wrote, “Colors fade, temples crumble, empires fall but wise words endure.”
What wise words do you want to endure for your children?